The ground is unshaken

Havent had much sleep lately. The wind from a heart left broken blew my way again. Thoughts linger like bees in a hive. My exhasuted body just cant take it anymore. Juggling between my career, my friends, my love, but no i dont complain. Because I am grateful. Grateful for my career, my friends and the love I have found out of not expecting.

We met online. She messaged me. Something brave to do and which I will not disregard. Yet I kept it cool. Almost in a certain nonchalant sort of tone. Never expecting too much. I'm going to leave her I kept telling myself and my confidantes. Yet I did not. I kept on. And now I might be falling. Though reminding myself to always be grounded. Reminding myself of Singapore.

A long day I have tomorrow. Yet im still awake. Gym, meetings and more meetings. She's going to surprise me tomorrow for my birthday eve. Though she tries to hide it, I see her scurrying around. Sweet, I think to myself.

I am

in love.....

PLUG & PLAY Ep1

I looked around the overly crowded cafe. A little disappointed that my usual spot was taken. The usual spot where me, Arnie, Tasha and everyone else would sit. Though everyone is hardly in KL, I try to salvage that very same spot everytime I stopped by.

I noticed an empty chair at a corner of the room. Sitting opposite it was a somewhat familiar face. Normally as a Leo, my pride would never allow me to sit opposite a total stranger, this time I was desperate for my fix of an ice cold caffe mocha. Without it, my body shuts down completely.

"Hi, excuse me, but is this seat taken?" I asked trying to be polite at a somewhat familiar stranger. Now where have I seen him before I thought.

He shook his head slowly but surely, signifying that he was confident with himself, while giving off a slight cockiness.

I hate cockiness. But somehow, amidst the slight hate I felt for this individual, I cannot help but wonder where have I seen him before.

"You from _______ College right?" again a slight undertone of cockiness which made me bit my teeth hearing him utter every single word that came out. I forced a smile, hoping he wouldnt know I was just using him for a seat.

"Yeah, I am. Are you a student......"

"Was a student. Was." He cut me off. Who does he think he is! Cutting me off like that! But yet, no wonder he seemed familiar. Same college. Probably a junior I never really paid attention to.

"I am one year your junior." He took a whiff of his Dunhill Fine Cuts, black. All my life, I thought, I was avoiding snobby people like that. Going around with their slightly expensive, yet quite affordable really, cigarettes.

"You and your friends had that big thing that went on in college?" He asked with a matter of fact tone.

"Yeah, but its a long time ago....One caffe mocha please. Thank you. So....erm...."

"Loshe, call me Loshe."

"Err, yea, Losh..wait a minute..Aren't you.."

Just then, it came to me. A flashback.

"Oh my God! You were the indian kid swearing in indian to the mamak waiter when you had your ice lemon tea too sweet!!"

Cocky bastard. I thought to myself. Waiters slaving away day and night, and he couldnt bare his ice lemon tea being a little too sweet.

"You saw that incident I suppose."

SAW IT?? I FREAKING WITNESSED IT!! GAWD, I'LL NEVER ASSOCIATE MYSELF WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU!

"Yeah, I sort of happened to be there." I replied keeping my cool.

Little did I know. This was the start of something bigger than I would have expected.

Love.

A difficult subject to comprehend. It can either make you feel as high as the clouds, or hurt you like a thousand daggers stabbing you endlessly straight to your chest.

Yes, I was bitten by the love bug.

Yes, it ended.

To say it ended mutually is dishonesty on my part. No, I didn't want it to end.
But it took me a while, a couple of months in fact to realize, I contributed to the end of things. A contribution I take full responsibility of.

Stupid mistakes I make sometimes, being young and naive. It might have ruined something good. Or it might be a train wreck just waiting to have happened.

Whatever it is I know it pushed someone good away. Could be forever, could be temporary. I might never have the answer to this.

I guess, what is left now is, to realize the mistakes I made, the hurtful things I could have said and leave it as a regret that will linger inside me the rest of my life.

A regret that I will have to learn from, however painful it might be, and look forward.

Forward is painful, but forward is good.